Tag: fatherhood

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Seth Westmoreland – Intentional Dad

Here is another installment in my effort to regularly “highlight” dads just like you who are seeking to be intentional with their family.

Seth Westmoreland has been married to Rainey for eighteen years and they have two biological children, one adopted toddler and two foster children. Seth graduated from Abilene Christian University with a degree in Education and he spent ten years coaching and teaching at the high school level. He also has a Masters in Christian Leadership. In 2012 he left public education to become the Kids Pastor at Magnolia’s First Baptist Church in Magnolia, TX where they reside.

What is your biggest challenge in being intentional with your kids?

My biggest challenge with intentionality is identifying opportunities to teach. It is imperative to always be alert to teachable moments and be willing to stop what you are doing to make the most of those moments.

What is your favorite memory with your family?
That is difficult, but I would say it would be from this past summer on a trip to California. Having a car full of people, 2 biological kids, carbon copies of my wife and I, one baby recently adopted, and two precious girls who couldn’t be more different from our “norm” in how they were raised; all coming together as a family and truly enjoying the time together. It was a proud and sweet moment for Rainey and I.
How do you and your wife work together to be intentional in the lives of your kids?
Rainey and I have recognized our own strengths and weaknesses. We have intentionally allowed each other to parent to our strengths. For example, Rainey is fantastic in working with the kids on structure, discipline and education matters. I take on the matters of spiritual formation and one on one counseling.
What would you say to another Dad to encourage him in intentionality with his family?
Be on alert, but don’t beat yourself up if an opportunity passes and you miss it. Also, learn to let the little things in life go. Sometimes you have to give and remain quiet on some of the little things in order to have a greater impact on the much more important things. (Basically, be careful to not allow your pride get in the way of opportunities to truly make a difference).
What is your favorite family activity?
Playing out in the front yard, throwing the ball, playing baseball or just watching the kids ride their bikes.
Is there anything you would do different as a dad?
I would not have been so hard on my biological kids. As an older parent of a toddler I have realized the error in trying to correct every behavior and instead I watch for the ones that truly need immediate addressing vs the ones that can be slow played.

If you would like to share your story, answer as many of the questions above as you would like and send it to sray61@gmail.com

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Fathers Day 2017

Day 8,500 (give or take) of being “Dad”.

June 18th, 2017 was a blessed day. Not because it was Sunday, but because I got “Happy Father’s Day” text messages from both of my boys. And each text had its own personality.  I started reading the text from Austin (oldest) right before church started and I had to stop reading after just a couple of sentences because I knew it was going to take an emotional toll on me and I was about to lead worship for two services. Tyler (youngest) sent his Father’s Day text later that evening. They were both emotional because my boys moved away this summer. Austin has moved away for the foreseeable future to give up a long distance relationship in favor of dating his “bae” in the same town (Memphis…Tennessee…2 states to the east…ten hours by car). Tyler moved near Lake City, Colorado to work maintenance at a camp all summer (two states to the west…20 hours by car).

Austin graduated from Houston Baptist University on May 13th. Holly (my wife) cried on the way home after graduation lunch even though Austin would not actually move until June 3rd. I was not feeling the emotions just yet, but I drove Tyler to Colorado the next day on May 14th. On the way back from Colorado on May 16th the tears started to flow. I got teary-eyed leaving Tyler at the camp and the tears came intermittently for the next few hours until I had to pull over because I could no longer see through the flood of tears and the full on “ugly cry”.

I kept asking myself “What is your problem? He’ll be back mid-August!” Then I realized that it wasn’t just about Tyler. It was about grieving the loss of fatherhood. Oh, I know that I will continue to be a father for a long time, Lord willing. But coupled with Austin’s departure this was the ending of an era.

And that has caused me to reflect on fatherhood. Specifically “intentional” fatherhood. The kind of fatherhood where you determine early on that you want to raise the bar set by your father. And the bar set by his father. And I want my boys to raise the bar again. As a matter of fact Austin’s text included “You have set the bar of fatherhood so high and I cannot wait to try and top it.” Tyler said “I couldn’t have a better role model…” I love that they want to model fatherhood even better than their old man.

Somewhere along this path, with the help of people who poured into my life, I realized that marriage and parenthood don’t just happen. I wanted to be “intentional” about both of those incredibly important things in my life. And if I had another lifetime and could know what I know now,  I would be even MORE intentional than I was in this lifetime.

I love the synonyms for the word “intentional”:
deliberate, calculated, conscious, intended, planned, meant, studied, knowing, willful, purposeful, purposive, done on purpose, premeditated, preplanned, preconceived.

For the most part, I tried to “plan” and “premeditate” how I wanted to be a father. I “studied” what it meant to be a father (thank you Promise Keepers among many others). I was “deliberate” in spending quality time with my boys (and my wife!). I was “purposeful” about creating memories for my boys. I was “calculated” in those “teachable moments” about godly manhood. I was “conscious” of my example around them.

But it was all because of God’s grace. And the beautiful thing about God’s grace is that even though I failed many times in this endeavor, my boys have shown that “love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8 NLT).