Family

February 5, 2018February 5, 2018

Seth Westmoreland – Intentional Dad

Here is another installment in my effort to regularly “highlight” dads just like you who are seeking to be intentional with their family.

Seth Westmoreland has been married to Rainey for eighteen years and they have two biological children, one adopted toddler and two foster children. Seth graduated from Abilene Christian University with a degree in Education and he spent ten years coaching and teaching at the high school level. He also has a Masters in Christian Leadership. In 2012 he left public education to become the Kids Pastor at Magnolia’s First Baptist Church in Magnolia, TX where they reside.

What is your biggest challenge in being intentional with your kids?

My biggest challenge with intentionality is identifying opportunities to teach. It is imperative to always be alert to teachable moments and be willing to stop what you are doing to make the most of those moments.

What is your favorite memory with your family?

That is difficult, but I would say it would be from this past summer on a trip to California. Having a car full of people, 2 biological kids, carbon copies of my wife and I, one baby recently adopted, and two precious girls who couldn’t be more different from our “norm” in how they were raised; all coming together as a family and truly enjoying the time together. It was a proud and sweet moment for Rainey and I.

How do you and your wife work together to be intentional in the lives of your kids?

Rainey and I have recognized our own strengths and weaknesses. We have intentionally allowed each other to parent to our strengths. For example, Rainey is fantastic in working with the kids on structure, discipline and education matters. I take on the matters of spiritual formation and one on one counseling.

What would you say to another Dad to encourage him in intentionality with his family?

Be on alert, but don’t beat yourself up if an opportunity passes and you miss it. Also, learn to let the little things in life go. Sometimes you have to give and remain quiet on some of the little things in order to have a greater impact on the much more important things. (Basically, be careful to not allow your pride get in the way of opportunities to truly make a difference).

What is your favorite family activity?

Playing out in the front yard, throwing the ball, playing baseball or just watching the kids ride their bikes.

Is there anything you would do different as a dad?

I would not have been so hard on my biological kids. As an older parent of a toddler I have realized the error in trying to correct every behavior and instead I watch for the ones that truly need immediate addressing vs the ones that can be slow played.

If you would like to share your story, answer as many of the questions above as you would like and send it to sray61@gmail.com

January 23, 2018January 23, 2018

Cat’s in the Cradle

If ever there was a song written for Intentional Dads, it is the 1974 number one hit “Cat’s in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin. I’ll save you the diatribe on how the seventies produced true “story songs” in contrast to some of the songwriting compositions today with mind-blowing lyrics like “I whip my hair back and forth”.

According to our good friend Wikipedia:

The song’s lyrics began as a poem written by Harry’s wife, Sandra; the poem itself was inspired by the awkward relationship between her first husband and his father. Chapin also said the song was about his own relationship with his son, Josh, admitting, “Frankly, this song scares me to death.”^[5]

I don’t know the history of Chapin and his own son, but I hope he was scared enough to be intentional with the relatively few years that we have with our kids.

The older my boys got, the more anxious I was about the time spent with them because it seemed to be going by so fast. My wife and I still get teary-eyed watching videos of our boys when they were pre-school age because it feels like we blinked and they were grown men. All the more reason to make those moments count.

If you’ve never heard the song or have forgotten, let these words resonate deep inside of you.

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say, I’m gonna be like you, dad
You know I’m gonna be like you

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw, I said, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that’s okay
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
Said, I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I’m proud of you
Can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired and my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I’d like to see you if you don’t mind
He said, I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

Dad, I pray that, like Harry Chapin, this song “scares you to death” and that you make the most of every moment you have with your kids…even when you’re exhausted after a long day at work…even when you hear others talk about getting some “me time”…even when you just don’t want to “go outside and play.” One day, you’ll have plenty of time for all of those things clamoring for your attention that have nothing to do with raising healthy children.

You can do this dad. I believe in you.

January 8, 2018January 9, 2018

Jay Anderson – Intentional Dad

One of the goals of this blog is to encourage dads along their journey of fatherhood. One of the ways that I want to do that is to tell the story of regular dads here in this blog. Dads just like you who have many of the same stressors, time limitations, personal issues and struggles.

I’m starting off with a relatively young dad who I have known for over a decade. Jay Anderson is the Youth Pastor at First Baptist Church in Vidor, Texas. He is married to Rachel and they have 2 children. He graduated from Texas A&M University with a degree in Recreation Park and Tourism Sciences. Here’s Jay…

What is your biggest challenge in being intentional with your kids?

My biggest challenge in being intentional with my kids is the end of the work day ‘low’. After hours of coffee intake and different work responsibilities I get home, grab the kids and realize after a few minutes of intentionality that I may have dozed off and I’m not sure for how long. But I can always count on the kids to body slam me in just the right place to give me a quick jolt.

What is your favorite memory with your family?

My favorite family memories are about as boring as they come. A true day off is hard to come by in ministry but when they do we are always doing something. There are times where Mother Nature intrudes on those plans and it becomes a snuggle-on-the-couch, hide-n-seek, candy-land kind of day. It’s those days that stick with me the most, where I realize that in the end not only are these my kids and she my wife, but these are the people I want to spend everyday with, and that quality time isn’t an obligation.

How do you and your wife work together to be intentional in the lives of your kids?

My wife is a rockstar, and I’m more of the guy in charge of lights and sound. She is simultaneously caring for a 6 month old, entertaining and educating a 3 year old, cooking 5-star meals, cleaning a house, and cultivating a home life for our kids that point them to Jesus. Without her I don’t know how our home would function. Not that my role as family dinner devotion leader and evening entertainer aren’t valid roles, I just will forever be indebted to my wife’s sacrificial love.

What would you say to another Dad to encourage him in intentionality with his family?

There is no cookie cutter “How to be a successful Discipling Dad” guide. Well, the Bible, but other than that, there isn’t anything. Life throws curveball after curveball and sometimes family dinner looks like Taco Bell on the living room floor watching 90’s cartoons to brainwash your children. But what matters most is that you keep yourself rooted in scripture, in God’s love and let that flow from you. Not everyday needs to be Instagram worthy, but everyday needs to be filled with love.

What is your favorite family activity?

By far my favorite family activity is family dinners and not just because my wife could put Pioneer Woman out of a job. It is a time we have cultivated to be filled with prayer and conversation. Granted sometimes the day goes off the rails, or we have ministry obligations and we improvise, but we never compromise that time together as a family. It is what I look forward to every day.

Is there anything you would do different as a dad?

I can look back and critique so many things I have done wrong. I’ve spoken out in anger, I’ve manipulated situations to meet selfish needs, the list goes on. But what it all comes down to is that when I am distant from the Lord, the flesh takes over. What I have learned and work to correct everyday is leaning on the Lord with everything. Ultimately what I would do differently is go back to before marriage and work in my intentional relationship with the Lord. I played a lot of catch-up in my walk with God in marriage and into parenthood. But if I could go back and learn discipline and be focused on His word and truth, I would.

Thank you Jay!

If you would like to share your story, send an email with answers to one or all of the questions above, as well as a family photo to sray61@gmail.com

You can do this, dad!