Month: August 2017

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I Say a Little Prayer…for Me

I grew up hearing an eclectic mix of music because of an eclectic-music-loving dad. He truly covered it all. The sounds at the breakfast table could be anything from Joe Cocker’s “She Came in Through the Bathroom Window” to a Beethoven symphony to jazz great Dave Brubeck to some soulful Ray Charles or he might go folk with Judy Collins. He even loved the latin flavor of Jose Feliciano.  All of them started on vinyl, but made their way to a “Realistic” reel-to-reel tape player (He worked for Tandy/Radio Shack) that would play hours of this music. The Christmas season was magical with Handel’s Messiah or the Mormon Tabernacle Choir or Andy Williams on constant play.

One song I remember well and still have in my personal library is Aretha Franklin’s “I Say a Little Prayer” (written by Burt Bacharach – another favorite of dad). Here are lyrics to the first verse:

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little pray for you
While combing my hair now
And wondering what dress to wear now
I say a little prayer for you

Because of a man by the name of Michael Wells (who passed much too early) I learned to “say a little prayer for me” that was transformational in my parenting and “husband-ing”. But I’m confident it works in EVERY aspect of life. Instead of praying, as I did for many years “Help me be strong. Help me have love. Help me have kindness, etc.” we should pray “Jesus, come and be in me all that I cannot be.” That was the short version. Most of the time it sounded something like this: “Jesus, I cannot be the husband/dad I need to be right now. Would you come and be in me all that I cannot be for my wife/boys.” And guess what? He will. That’s all the invitation that He needs to work in your life and family.

Many Christians grow up hearing and believing that they need to “be like Jesus”. And so we try really hard to be like him, in our own strength. And it leads to a life of “trying harder to do better.” It’s an endless treadmill of self-effort without much progress and a lot of frustration. And if there is progress, we pat ourselves on the back for “doing better”.

Michael Wells (and scripture) have taught me that it is “Christ in me, the hope of glory.” We just need to let Christ be Who He is IN and THROUGH us. Just let him shine through the cracks of your “jar of clay.” Michael would also say “If Jesus is made strong in our weakness, then why do we hide our weaknesses?” And not hiding our weakness begins with that simple prayer of surrender each day and sometimes moment by moment. Pray that prayer and then let Him be Who He is IN you!

I’m not saying that it should be your only prayer in life. Or that this is a “magic” prayer. But it’s a great beginning to “praying without ceasing” throughout your day.

Give it a shot. Tomorrow morning when you sit up on the side of your bed, put your hand over your heart and pray “Jesus, today, come and be in me all that I cannot be.” And make that your daily surrender to all that HE is and wants to BE in your life.

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It Begins With an Intentional Marriage

Maybe I was different. Or maybe I was just the average teen, but I remember really wanting to get married early on. More accurately I wanted to find “her” early on (and marry her as quickly as possible!). I distinctly remember thinking on one of my first dates “This is the one!” (Ok, I confess, it was in the middle of a goodnight kiss on that date). And then I distinctly remember thinking not too long after that, on a different date,  “No, THIS is the one!” (Again, I confess it was in the middle of a goodnight kiss on that date).

Once I realized that I could no longer base a decision about my future wife on the goodnight kiss, I set about gathering intel on who “she” was and what “she” would be like. I never made an actual list of qualities (like my wife did), but I was keeping a list in my head of those qualities I desired in a wife. And I would add to that list at the end of each relationship. It was somewhat like putting together a puzzle and each relationship took me one piece closer to seeing the entire picture. One day after another relationship came to an end I thought “I know what she looks like”. Not in a physical sense of blonde hair or blue eyes, but I could see “who” she was going to be. It was like all the pieces of the puzzle were finally in place. It took a long time. I was twenty-seven years old when I met my future wife and twenty-nine when we married. (By the way, my wife helped me with the puzzle analogy early on. One time I told her very proudly she was “the final piece in the puzzle”. She very kindly corrected me and said “No, I AM the puzzle”. Sometimes, guys, we should keep our thoughts to ourselves)

Becoming an intentional dad does not happen in a vacuum. I believe it must be rooted in an intentional marriage. So much is “caught” by our kids from our marriages. Here is a quote from my oldest son’s Father’s Day text: “I watched you love mom like she hung the moon and stars”. We don’t always know they’re watching and listening, but they are and they pick up on the good AND the bad. The grace piece of the puzzle is the verse I shared in my last post “Love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8) Somehow God can use even our failures when we are transparent and authentic about them (AND learning from them) in front of our kids.

So men (and ladies), be intentional about loving your spouse well…in front of your kids. Love them as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her (Ephesians 5:25).

Single parents: There is nothing that says you can’t be intentional about raising your kids without a spouse. Let your kids see your sacrificial interactions with other members of your family as well as your friends. They can still learn valuable lessons from the way you handle relationships.